The very notion of teenage pregnancy is enough to leave the more conservative members of society writhing with discomfort. So why is it that in a progressive country upholding values of equality and acceptance we continue to stereotype young mothers? Written by Masie Thorman
Dylan Downs discovered she was pregnant with her first child at the age of 16.
After sustaining a head injury, she made the decision to complete her GCSEs working remotely from home. However, the isolated nature of online study began to take its toll, leaving her depressed and demotivated.
“Finding out I was pregnant felt like a ton of bricks. Like, what could get worse? I kept thinking about how my life felt like it was already falling apart around me; I had a lot of pressure from family members to make the ‘right decision’ which was not the right decision for me. I don’t think at that point in my mental health could have handled a loss like that, so I chose not to have an abortion for that reason. It was like jumping off the deep end but it was the best decision I’ve ever made.”
The Office for National Statistics have highlighted negative attitudes towards teenage mothers as one of the most significant factors contributing to the fall in teenage pregnancies. Miss Downs herself has been subjected to a breadth of opinionated responses ranging from “pitiful to patronising.”
“Being a young mum feels like an upwards battle of trying to prove your worth and your capability to take care of your own children — everything you do is under a microscope. My friends and family members often overstep and try to intervene in my role as a mum. It’s almost as if they don’t trust you, or they are waiting by for something to go wrong. I know my family have good intentions but it’s hard to not feel like I’m suffocating.”
But for Dylan it was the dismissive attitudes of those within the healthcare system that proved the most challenging to come to terms with. The reality for many young mothers is that “you often don’t get asked, you get told.” After vocalising her preference for a home birth, Miss Downs was told that she would be unable to do so, despite having had an entirely healthy pregnancy.
“I was told I had an appointment for a sweep when I was overdue by 8 days, I never knew that these things were optional, and I had every right to take the lead with my birth. Having the sweep actually induced my labour and it ended up being more painful as a result. Looking back now I would’ve said no to a sweep had it been properly explained to me.”
But what is it that incites this inherent prejudice towards young mothers? As a society we do not shame the average sexually active 16-year-old, so why is it that once there exists “walking evidence of this sexuality” that condemnation becomes justifiable? Dylan recalls moments during her own pregnancy in which she was subjected to disapproving glares and needless tutting, that which left her feeling genuinely “ashamed.”
If we are to put an end to the stereotyping of teenage mothers as promiscuous freeloaders, and truly shift the narrative, then we need to ensure that stories such as Dylan’s can be given a platform. Behind the scenes, young parents are making immense sacrifices to ensure the wellbeing of their children every single day.
“I’ve had to learn quickly how to be patient, kind and how to be a good example for my son — he picks up on everything, and because of this I’ve had to start putting up boundaries in my personal life. I’m very careful about the kind of people I allow into our lives, I’m not able to be friends with the same kind of people I would have been before my children. One of the reasons I’m a single mum is because I couldn’t cope with the guilt of Elijah seeing me cry and argue over my relationship with his father. Hopefully when he’s older he will understand two separated happy parents is better than your parents being together and toxic.”
In reality “all teen mums need is support,” the same way any mother would. Not to be “slut shamed” by strangers, but to be accepted and encouraged by their communities. It is blatant that falling pregnant at this stage of life poses many challenges, however if we are wo
