A telephone box is to appear on Brighton seafront to allow bereaved people a safe space To Be Honest with all their emotions, in response to new research from Sue Ryder which found fear of guilt and embarrassment causes emotions of grief to be downplayed or internalised.
New data released by Sue Ryder, the national bereavement charity has revealed that as a nation we are scared or embarrassed to talk about our true feelings around grief (69%), with almost three quarters (74%) of people who have experienced a bereavement saying their emotions around grief make them feel guilty on a weekly basis.
In response, Sue Ryder has launched a new campaign to get people talking more frankly about their grief. The campaign urges people ‘To Be Honest’ and share their true emotions associated with grief, without judgement.
As part of the new research, Sue Ryder has found that people who are grieving feel anger, loneliness, relief, and resentment. Almost half of people believe their feelings towards grief are ‘messy and complicated’.
Despite finding it hard to talk openly about their grief, a third of people have said that they feel more comfortable communicating their feelings verbally, either over the phone, via voice note or video call.
For this reason and to mark the start of the campaign, between Wednesday 22 and Thursday 23 March, Sue Ryder is installing the To Be Honest telephone box on The Deck at Brighton seafront to offer members of the public a safe space to share their honest feelings of grief.
Between 10am-5pm on Wednesday and 9am-4pm on Thursday, people can enter the purpose-built telephone box (situated by Brighton Beach Café), pick up the phone and say their true feelings about their grief without judgement, in a similar way to leaving a voicemail. People will then be given an opportunity to have the message sent to them, so they can forward it onto their support network so they can let them know how they are really feeling. Once inside, people can also listen to a message of support, including signposts to Sue Ryder’s free Online Bereavement Support.
A bereavement can result in a mix of emotions, which can change over time and be both positive and negative. There is not one way to grieve yet two fifths (43%) of people internalise their emotions around grief because they feel they will not be ‘accepted’ and over half (52%) of people have downplayed their feelings of grief as they are worried about how they would be perceived.
In fact, Sue Ryder’s research has found people feel unable to even talk to those closest to them about their true feelings, particularly when it comes to ‘taboo’ emotions.
| ‘Taboo emotions’ people are feeling around grief | Percentage of people who don’t feel comfortable talking to the following people about these emotions | ||
| Partner | Friends | Parents | |
| Shame | 74% | 79% | 79% |
| Hatred | 74% | 79% | 79% |
| Relief | 78% | 66% | 44% |
| Happiness | 65% | 55% | 66% |
Sue Ryder’s research also found 41% of people believe the media romanticises the idea of grief, when in stark reality people feel a spectrum of emotions including numbness, anxiety, envy and hatred.
Through its To Be Honest campaign, Sue Ryder aims to highlight that there’s no normal way to grieve. It’s okay to feel angry, guilty, frustrated or resentful following a bereavement and you don’t need to downplay your emotions to appease others.
Sue Ryder has launched the campaign as part of its wider Grief Kind movement – which looks to equip people with the knowledge and tools to be able to meet grief with warmth and acceptance rather than shying away from open conversations.Bianca Neumann, Head of Bereavement at Sue Ryder, said:
“When someone close to you dies, you may feel deep emotional pain, shock, anger, deep sadness, guilt, numbness, anxiety, helplessness and many other emotions.
“There’s no ‘right’ or ‘normal’ way to grieve and integrating loss into our lives takes longer for some people than others. You might find yourself swinging between different moods, feelings or crying suddenly when you don’t expect it. You may be so overwhelmed that you feel numb. Learning to live alongside grief can take a long time, and during that time you will likely have ups and downs.
“Our new research highlights how it can be hard to talk about it to those around you. Finding someone to open up to, like a trusted friend, family member, teacher, colleague, support group or online community, can really help.
“Try to find people you can be honest with about how you’re feeling, and who respond in ways that you find helpful. Remember that it’s OK to feel however you are feeling and you shouldn’t punish yourself if you feel that your emotions aren’t the ‘common’ feelings that we see so much of in the media.”
Stylist and Sue Ryder Ambassador, Grace Woodward’s mother died eight weeks after the birth of her child. Speaking of her experience of grief, she said:
“I often wonder what’s worse, to lose a parent who filled your life with support and love or one who didn’t. The place that someone occupies in your life with love leaves you with a huge hole to fill.
“To admit to people I felt relieved when my mum died, I feared judgement, I feared for who I was to feel that and who I would become in my grieving process. Was I as heartless as that sounded?
“Feeling all the feelings, good and ones we might think of as ‘bad’ is part of the process of letting it all go. Leaning into the pain of death is a life changing and necessary rite of passage for all humans in my opinion – being open and honest is all we have to understanding and getting to a place where the pain is not insurmountable but just part of being human.”
